Horrorfest 2022 Presents: Blood Beach (1981, Jeffrey Bloom)

John Saxon better have gotten paid well for being in this 1980s turkey, cause Blood Beach sucks. Oh does it suck in so many different and lame ways, taking a decent premise and making a terrible movie out of it. Jeffrey Bloom sounds like a made up director name in a MAD Magazine spoof making fun of low budget horror cinema anyways.

The monster never really gets shown and when we finally catch a glimpse it looks pretty dull, really. It took me two days to watch this movie, not because it’s long but due to me not caring about anything that happened onscreen. Burt Young also is in this movie if only cause he was in between Rocky movie gigs. Look view this movie if you must, but if you do so try to view it for free like I did. If I had paid for this at a theater I would have left very angry.

The Big Green Lizard is Back! (Return of Godzilla, 1984)

The big guy comes back and he’s all pissed off again because the humans woke him up. Man is he cranky in the morning oh wait this happens at night. Nevermind. Naturally he sets out for Japan again, meanwhile the Soviets and the US want to nuke the creature even though the Japanese would be affected and that’s how they got stuck with an angry fire breathing monster in the first place. Read the room, USSR and the US!

The humans in this movie are solid enough-I cracked up at the one drunk guy who wasn’t afraid to talk smack to Godzilla when he should have been running away. How they defeat Godzilla is actually not bad. I liked it for being a simple plan. Also at one point the JDF sends a cool spaceship to attack Godzilla and it actually is oddly effective. Also why doesn’t Godzilla tower over the buildings I thought he was much bigger. Hmm, odd.

This film definitely had some influence on both the 2014 Godzilla and Shin Godzilla. I liked it a lot and I’m looking forward to seeing more of the 1980s/1990s Godzilla movies. Also I used a random Internet site to watch this I mean via legitimate means, I swear. Wink wink. This flick was missing the wicked sweet Godzilla theme music though which is a bummer. Oh well, 8.5/10, check it out.

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